Last week, I was sitting with a very pleasant designer who almost out of nowhere very confidently claimed that everyone who starts their own business does so to prove themselves. As someone who has worked with entrepreneurs for years, both as an advisor and executive coach, and who also reads and writes extensively about entrepreneurship, I couldn’t resist critically challenging this statement.
In my experience, based on hundreds of deep conversations with entrepreneurs, I learned that the reasons for starting a business are very diverse. Some do it out of purpose or passion, others out of necessity, and others from the drive to create something unique. The idea that everyone starts solely to prove themselves is far too simplistic.
What kind of bothered me even more was the confidence with which this designer, who has only a few years of work experience, expressed his opinion. It was clear that his claim was unfounded; after all, there is no scientific research to support this assertion. I jokingly asked him what comic book he had read this in because it sounded more like a shallow conviction than a well-thought-out position. It was a typical example of someone who believes that having strong opinions is inherently valuable or perhaps even impressive, simply because nowadays people often feel free to speak without much knowledge of the subject.
This is something I see more often among the younger generation: the idea that expressing a strong opinion is valuable in itself, regardless of its basis. While I understand that it’s important to have a voice, it becomes problematic when this is done without any substantiation or depth. Especially in a professional context, and particularly in leadership roles, expressing unfounded opinions can be not only harmful but also severely undermine your credibility.
The Power of Assertiveness in Leadership
Assertiveness is an essential trait for effective leaders and professionals in the business world. It allows you to express yourself clearly, make decisions, and act without constantly seeking approval. An assertive leader can be clear in expectations, provide direct and constructive feedback, and ensure that the organization’s purpose, vision and goals are communicated effectively. However, as with any trait, its effectiveness depends on finding the right balance. Assertiveness that tips into aggression or rigidity can be just as harmful as the opposite: passivity.
Assertiveness vs. Aggression: Finding the Right Balance
A common pitfall is that assertiveness is often confused with aggression. Where assertiveness is about clearly communicating your own needs and boundaries, aggression involves ignoring or undermining those of others. Leaders who go too far in their assertiveness risk intimidating or demotivating their team members. The result is a culture where fear and reluctance dominate, instead of open communication and collaboration. Effective leaders understand that assertiveness must go hand in hand with empathy and respect for others.
The line between assertiveness and aggression is not only difficult to define because leaders sometimes overstep in what they say and how they say it, but also because of the resilience of the receiver. On one hand, today’s generation of professionals seems to be more outspoken and better at expressing themselves. But when they are firmly told their boundaries, they often quickly feel offended simply because they are not resilient enough. This paradox makes it challenging for leaders to find the right balance in their communication.
Resilience is not just about handling setbacks but also about the ability to accept constructive criticism or clear boundaries without taking it personally. However, it often happens that the receiver’s perception is influenced by personal triggers, causing something that is meant neutrally to be perceived as offensive or critical. This can stem from previous experiences, such as a father who always spoke in a certain tone that carried a negative connotation. Just because a leader uses a similar tone does not automatically mean that the intent is negative.
The problem often lies in cognitive distortions: thinking errors where people attribute too much meaning to what is being said or engage in black-and-white thinking. A comment is quickly interpreted as a personal attack, while the intention may simply be to provide clarity or set boundaries. Therefore, it is crucial for both leaders and their teams to be aware of how perceptions and personal baggage can influence communication. Effective communication requires not only the leader’s assertiveness but also the receiver’s resilience and objectivity. This way, a healthy balance can be created where boundaries are clear without being immediately perceived as offensive.
The Importance of Clear Boundaries in Communication
Assertive communication requires clear boundaries, both for yourself and others. Setting boundaries means knowing when to speak and when it’s better to listen. In business communication, this is crucial: pushing your opinion too much, without considering the context or without truly listening to others, can damage your credibility. It’s important to defend your position firmly but also remain flexible enough to incorporate new insights. This combination ensures that you are seen as not only strong but also reliable.
I’ll never forget how, years ago, an entrepreneur and good friend of mine named Steven Bakker consistently asked everyone, from the mailman to the secretary, for their opinion on creative or strategic work I had produced. Initially, it frustrated me quite a bit; I couldn’t understand why he wanted advice from people who, in my eyes, knew little about the complex strategic decisions we were dealing with. Was he that insecure? When I finally asked him why, he gave me an insight that still stays with me. He told me that it wasn’t about their knowledge, but about their wisdom. His philosophy was simple: “Every insight is valuable.”
He emphasized that even people without deep knowledge can offer valuable perspectives precisely because they aren’t stuck in the same thinking patterns as experts. This taught him that real strength lies in the flexibility to value and incorporate all insights, no matter how small or unexpected. To this day, he continues to remain open to the wisdom of others, regardless of their background, because he understands that it’s about a broader perspective and not just technical knowledge. It’s exactly this willingness to look beyond the obvious that has made him consistently successful.
Unfounded Opinions: The Risk of Excessive Assertiveness
Another risk of excessive assertiveness is expressing unfounded opinions. In my work with leaders and entrepreneurs, I often see how confident people can be about topics they actually know little about. Especially in an age where quick judgments and opinions are shared everywhere on social media, having a strong opinion sometimes seems more important than its substance. For leaders, this can be disastrous. When a leader makes unfounded statements, it is quickly noticed by others, and credibility declines. Moreover, trust within a team can be undermined, as employees may question whether decisions are actually well thought out.
In the advertising industry, we have a specific term for this phenomenon: the ‘car dealer mentality.’ This stems from the experience that many car dealers think they know exactly how communication works, making it less appealing to work with them as an advertiser. It’s no coincidence that car commercials have seen little innovation in the past decades; they often stick to the same patterns because they are convinced they’ve figured it all out themselves. This self-assured attitude often stifles creativity and innovation.
It’s, of course, understandable that a car dealer, accountant, consultant, or even a leader has a clear opinion about what they find visually appealing. And ultimately, the one who pays, decides. But to then confidently claim that a certain campaign will never work or that a logo won’t resonate is a trap. Such statements are better left to those who work with this field daily and understand the nuances. It’s much more powerful to say, “I don’t know if it works, but I don’t find it visually appealing.” By doing so, you express your personal preference without undermining the professional expertise of others. This creates space for constructive discussion and ensures that, as a leader, you remain open to the insights of experts.
The Role of Context and Listening in Assertive Communication
True assertiveness considers context and the importance of active listening. A leader who understands when and how to be assertive will act not only from personal conviction but also remain open to other perspectives.
This means that you don’t always have to be the first to voice your opinion or the loudest voice in the room. In fact, by listening well and giving others space, you increase your influence. In successful teams, assertive communication is often supported by a culture where everyone feels safe to contribute, without fear of immediate judgment.
Here too, the balance between assertiveness and constructive communication plays an important role, and this responsibility doesn’t lie solely with the leader. It is equally important that team members understand that it’s not intended for everyone to continuously share unfounded opinions. There is a fundamental difference between suggesting an idea and stating an opinion. For example, if a team member asserts without evidence that replacing the company logo is the only thing that will convince customers to stay, this naturally invites strong criticism. However, if that same team member asks if replacing the logo might be an idea, the message would be received much more constructively. The first approach comes across as know-it-all, while the second form allows for dialogue and collaborative consideration.
While it’s up to leaders to handle this tactfully, it’s also the leader’s responsibility to educate team members on the difference between assertiveness and being a know-it-all. In other words, the difference between expressing an unfounded belief and presenting an idea with potential. By teaching team members how to present their contributions constructively, communication within the team can be elevated, leading to better collaboration and more effective decision-making.
Frequently Asked Questions About Assertiveness, Aggression, and Communication in Leadership
What is the difference between assertiveness and aggression in communication?Assertiveness is about clearly communicating your own needs, opinions, and boundaries in a respectful manner. Aggression, on the other hand, involves doing so without considering the feelings or boundaries of others. Assertiveness seeks balance and collaboration, while aggression often leads to conflict and resistance.
How can I, as a leader, find the balance between assertiveness and aggression?
The key lies in showing empathy while remaining clear about your stance. This means you can firmly convey your message without overpowering others. Listening is just as important as speaking; by actively listening and respecting feedback, you demonstrate assertiveness without coming across as aggressive.
Why are unfounded opinions harmful to leadership?
Unfounded opinions undermine your credibility and can lead to distrust within a team. When decisions are made based on personal preferences without solid backing, confusion arises, and employees lose confidence in the leadership.
How can I, as a leader, handle unfounded opinions within my team?It’s important to guide team members in distinguishing between an opinion and a constructive idea. Encourage them to substantiate their views with facts or relevant insights. By creating a culture where constructive feedback is valued, you prevent baseless opinions from dominating discussions.
What are some examples of assertive communication?
Assertive communication can range from giving clear feedback (“I notice this project is falling behind; let’s discuss how we can improve”) to setting boundaries (“I’m available for consultation, but I can’t agree to a solution without clear justification”). It’s about clarity with respect for the other person.
How can I be assertive without coming across as a know-it-all?
Frame your views as constructive suggestions rather than hard statements. Instead of saying, “This is the only way it will work,” you can say, “I think this approach could be effective, but let’s consider other possibilities.” This encourages an open conversation and avoids the impression of being overbearing.
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